| "Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck
There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah"
leaving for illinois tomorrow.
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| rough day today.
i finished my finals yesterday and came home today. my mom had a hysterectomy 2 weeks ago so she has been at home recovering and such. when i got there, she sat me down and told me that we were being sued for the accident i was in a year ago. apparently the lady i collided with was not happy with her settlement and is now suing the insurance company and me.... even though the accident was not my fault and she suffered injuries that were not even half as bad as mine. my parents hired a lawyer. it's possible the lady could win.
then... i go out to get the mail... find a letter from state farm saying that they have dropped me from insurance because i have been in three accidents in four years. as of february, i have no car insurance.
about the same time we find this out, my dad comes home and says he's having chest pains and trouble breathing and needs to go to the hospital. apparently, because of his high blood pressure, he suffered a mild heart attack today and will be staying in the hospital over night. he's having surgery tomorrow.
oh yeah, i forgot to mention that my parents lost electricity this morning due to a limb falling on their transformer. they spent four hundred dollars on a generator and my mom and i drove all the way to tulsa to pick it up... as soon as we got there, our electricity came back on and we were stuck in rush hour traffic with no traffic lights for over an hour.
last thing... i dropped my phone on the ground outside the hospital and it no longer works.
rough day today.
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| semester's over. finally.
freakin. post. my grades. NOW.
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| please, please, please just let this semester be over. i hate it. seriously.
just four more semesters left after this one. i really want to go to grad school as well, but i'll have to work first and make money to pay for it. and now i'm starting to think that after i start working, i probably won't want to go back to school. maybe... but probably not. it never ends.
i know life is short and you're supposed to enjoy it and all that... but sometimes it seems like the things i really want are so far away that i'll never get there. it's frustrating.
ok here is the vain part. i've been struggling with my weight since high school. i've never been fat but the only time i've ever been able to achieve my desired weight is when i've gone through two break ups and after my car accident. i know that sounds dumb but when i get depressed i just don't eat. and i love food so much. i have a really hard time denying myself the foods i like too. i work out a lot, but it doesn't make up for all the shit i eat. also, i have a really terrible habit of weighing myself every single day... always hoping to be a pound less than the day before. ten pounds is all i'm asking for.
thanksgiving was good, if i make it to christmas, i'm sure it will be good too.
bye.
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| It has been one year today since my car accident. i feel like i should be happy... but instead i feel kind of depressed today. i don't know why. it's weird to think how close i was to dying... but at the same time i'm really disappointed in myself because i always thought that it should have been a wake up call. maybe God's way of telling me to start changing some shit in my life. but instead, i haven't changed anything.
I just looked at some pictures of the accident scene. it was weird because i can still feel all the pain. I really want to cry right now but I can't.
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